Most of the time, when considering resilience, we think of it as the ability to bounce back after trial, and although that’s true, resilience is more nuanced than that. In this post, I’d like to bust a couple of myths that can get in our way of understanding the subtleties of resilience. Then, I’ll go into three ideas to help us grow our ability to become resilient.
Myth 1: Resilient people breeze through life’s complications.
Truth: Resilient people aren’t immune to life’s difficulties or problems. We all get to experience those. Lehi referred to this as “opposition in all things…” (2nd Nephi 2:11). Instead, resilient people often gain their resilience through trials.
Resilient people handle this “opposition” through healthy coping skills, which includes focusing their energy on realistic problem-solving. This can include both spiritual and non-spiritual means. I’ll write more about that below.
Myth 2: Some folks are blessed with resilience while and others aren’t so lucky. If you rank low on the scale of resilience, there’s nothing that can be done.
Truth: Studies show this isn’t the case. It’s true that our childhood experiences can play a role in how we face our adult trials. However, resilience is a learned process, which means we all can strengthen our resilience. Another thing to remember about resilience is that it’s possible to be resilient in some areas of life but maybe have less resilience in other areas. For instance, maybe you have a hard time recovering from financial worries, but you’re able to take a lot of stress when it comes to your kids. So, take stock of where you are. Give yourself kudos for where your resilience is strong and be willing to work on those areas where you may need to shore up your ability to be resilient.
If we want to build resilience, here are some steps that can help.
1. Come to terms with difficult experience and emotions. This loops back to our first myth. People who rank high in resilience are willing to navigate their hardships and tackle their problems head-on and with honesty. They resist the desire to avoid their difficulties and the emotions that often accompany hardship. Instead, they work on acknowledging their feelings and appropriately working through their trials. This helps them figure out the best way to cope, problem-solve, and move forward. If you’re unsure of what it means to appropriately work through your trials, or you feel stuck, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. When facing challenges, it’s easy to feel alone, which can lead to isolation. Instead, look for options to reach out to those who feel safe, such as a trustworthy leader or good friend. This leads us to our second suggestion.
2. Foster supportive connections. Social support ranks high when it comes to resilience. Studies show that people who feel connected to others have greater resilience. Solid friendships, strong ties to church or other community are an important aspect of resilience. When we’re connected to others, we feel supported and we’re better able to face our trials. If you feel as if you need more support than a friend or church leader can offer, or these relationships don’t feel safe for the trial you’re currently experiencing, don’t hesitate to consider a mental health professional.
3. Cultivate patience through self-awareness. Patience helps build resilience by helping to create self-discipline. It allows us to see the bigger picture and focus on what’s important instead of what’s demanding. Self-awareness work can begin with our body. When you notice the heat rising in your body, your teeth or hands clenching, or maybe a feeling of irritation starting to take over, you’re practicing self-awareness. Self-awareness is all about being observant. Creating self-awareness gives you time to pause, purposefully relax your body and take a deep mindful breath before moving forward.
Don’t worry if you struggle with this. Patience and self-awareness are hard for most of us. If you want to work on these things, start with paying attention to how your body responds to impatience. Then, try to take a deep breath before moving forward. Don’t worry if you slip up. Self-awareness takes practice. So does patience. Often, our first lesson is learning to be patient with ourselves. Elder Joseph B. Worthlin encourages us to practice self-patience. He reminds us to not be “unduly discouraged…when we are doing the best we can.”
One of the most common beliefs around resilience is that it’s the ability to bounce back from difficulties, but I see it a little differently. When we’ve gone through something hard, that difficulty changes us and how we see the world. Resiliency isn’t about bouncing back. It’s about moving forward with hope and confidence.
If you want to challenge yourself this month, consider choosing one of the three resilient points mentioned above and practice it throughout this month.
Thank you for the privilege of your time.
Interested in learning more about your personal value system? I can help.
If you’d like to share your thoughts on resilience, send me a quick note at shelly@shellyjohnsonchoong.com.
