What are you good at? Often, when I asked a client this question, there was a long pause. They were proficient at outlining their faults and what they needed to work on, but they weren’t clear about their strengths. Sometimes, they were so divorced from the idea of having any strengths that they would ask, “What do you mean?” Or, they would tell me, “I don’t have any strengths.”
They weren’t alone. Most of us have to think long and hard to come up with our strengths or capabilities. This is normal. When we talk about self-improvement, we often focus on what needs attention. Understanding our faults and weaknesses is important. But what’s just as important is having a good grasp on our strengths, because it’s our strengths that can help us overcome our weaknesses and get us through hard times.
Another thing to consider is our resources, which are what we have available around us. I like to think that strengths come from inside us, while resources are what we’re connected to in our environment.
Let’s talk about strengths first. The list below is a starter list for you to begin considering where your strengths lie. As you read this list, consider experiences you’ve had where a particular strength may have been cultivated. Don’t limit yourself to what’s on this page. Think freely and journal about what comes to you. Or if it feels safe, you can check in with someone and ask them what they see as your internal strengths.
Internal strengths can include:
Flexibility
Dependability
A good listener
Non-judgmental
Able to endure
Courageous
Loving
Gentle
Organized
Trustworthy
Motivated
I’m a good friend
Able to offer and receive help
I have a strong relationship with God
Strong values
Prayer—connecting to God
Read 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 for some internal strengths
A word of caution. Don’t expect to be able to embody all of these things. That’s not the point of this exercise. The idea is to begin considering your strengths. Here’s a hint: Your strengths might be hiding behind something that you’re good at, something you enjoy, or it may show up in how you serve others. Even the smallest things count!
Resources are different from strengths, but they add to the overall picture of becoming resilient (Check out last month’s blog post for more on resilience.) Our resources come from our surroundings. The starter list below is to help you consider your resources. If it feels safe, you can talk with your friends about your resources. Not only are friends a good resource, but we often have resources in common with our friends.
Resources can include:
Family
Friends
Relationship with God
Strong sense of community
Volunteering
Strong, healthy connections at work
Connected to nature
Good health
Strengths and resources often go unnoticed and under-appreciated. Sometimes, when talking with clients, they didn’t always know how they conquered something hard. In our work together, I would help them dissect that experience to discover what internal strengths and external resources they used to navigate their trial.
Much of the time, their trial added to the strengths, and they became more resilient. They grew in wisdom and compassion, helping them become strong when they first felt weak. Then, when the next hard thing happened, they had learned how to discover and rely on their strengths to help overcome the difficulties they were facing.
If you feel as if you need help figuring out your strengths, or you find that you truly can’t name any strength or resource, then perhaps you can talk with a friend who is safe to help you get started. If that doesn’t feel like a possibility, then please consider speaking with a mental health provider. Knowing your strengths can help you overcome weaknesses and also guide and aid you in your trials. Understanding where we’re strong helps us become more resilient and capable.
Thanks so much for reading!
If you’d like to share your thoughts on resilience, send me a quick note at shelly@shellyjohnsonchoong.com
Just a quick note: My blog about triggers will be coming up next month. I apologize for any confusion.
