As I mentioned in my newsletter, I was faced with a frightening situation when my dog, Ember ate something while we were in the woods. I didn’t know what she had eaten, but it was large and nasty, requiring a panicked trip to the emergency vet. Hurrying her out of the woods and into the car, along with the frenzied and anxious drive to the vet sent me into a spiral of fear. My heart rate spiked. I could barely breathe as my adrenaline kicked into high gear. Things didn’t get much better at the vet. I snapped at the receptionist before pacing the waiting room. Em was feeding off my intense energy. She became anxious and whiny.
This is not my first trip to the ER vet with Em. It’s more like my 158th time, but this time was different. This time I simply could not hold it together. I was triggered as my brain relived every single time I have made that drive and paced that floor while worrying if I’d be going home alone.
After several minutes of nervous pacing in the vet’s waiting room, I knew I had to remove myself from the situation. I handed Ember’s leash to my husband and told him I needed to go for a walk. It was below freezing, and I welcomed the slap in the face that came with the cold. It brought me back to the present moment, helping me leave past experiences behind as I walked around the block. When I went back to the office, my heart rate had calmed, and I felt a little better. Ember was already visiting with the vet.
Emotional triggers show up for all kinds of reasons and in all sorts of situations. It’s important to understand that the trigger, in and of itself, is not necessarily bad. And the emotions that are brought up by the trigger aren’t bad either. They are signals–a warning that something needs attention. Sometimes we know what is bothering us, but most of the time, we don’t.
For the next few minutes, I’d like to discuss how to recognize an emotional trigger and then how to navigate them when they show up.
Recognizing Emotional Triggers
1.) Physical symptoms. Because our emotional experiences are tied to our physiology, our feelings often show up in our bodies. When triggered, we can experience a wide range of physical symptoms including shallow breathing, muscle tightness, headache, pounding heart, or sweating. For many, when triggered, it can feel as if they need to prepare for battle.
2.) Emotional Symptoms. Triggering events often create a surge of unpleasant emotions that are over-the-top for the current stimuli. Negative triggers can induce feelings of anger, (which is often covering feelings of hurt or fear), anxiety, panic, frustration, feeling out of control or a need for control, hyper-vigilance, or hyper-awareness. Exhaustion can set in after the triggering event or conversation. We can also feel shame, guilt, or embarrassment over a trigger if we feel as if our reaction was out of line or we don’t understand our own behavior.
Navigating Triggers in the Moment
1.) As soon as you realize what’s happening, take a step back. I was several minutes into my triggering experience before I knew what was going on, but as soon as I did, I stepped away. This can be hard, but if you can manage it, taking a step back is helpful. Do this physically, if you can. I removed myself from the situation in the veterinarian’s office by taking a walk. If that’s not possible, then speak to your experience. You can even have that conversation with yourself. You may want to say something like, “I’m having a really hard time right now.” If you’re talking with someone, you may want say, “This conversation is bothering me, and I don’t know why.” “I have to stop talking about this right now and figure out what I’m feeling. Let’s revisit this later today or tomorrow.” “I’m really angry/frustrated/afraid right now, and I need some time.” Speaking to our experience can help give us some much needed distance.
If you don’t become aware of the trigger until after it’s over, that’s okay. Think about what happened and how you could better recognize the event so you can give yourself and others some space next time. More on this in the next section.
2.) Try to settle your body down by grounding yourself. Feel your feet on the floor, even through your shoes. Drop your shoulders away from your ears. Relax your muscles. Take slow breaths in and out through your nose. I did this while walking. I paid attention to the cold air and my stride on the sidewalk.
Navigating Triggers Long-Term
1) Avoid avoidance. Because triggers feel so crummy, many people hope that if they can avoid the situation that brings on the trigger, they won’t have to worry about it. But avoiding the trigger doesn’t work. Avoidance has a tendency to make one’s world small. And even when we do our best to avoid a trigger, there isn’t any way for us to control every aspect of our lives. Difficulty will show up no matter how hard we try to dodge it. It’s best to face the trigger head-on and work on healing instead of avoidance.
2) Get curious. Curiosity fosters awareness, helping us understand what’s really going on. You can ask yourself some meaningful questions. What prompted my reaction? Is there a pattern to my outbursts? What do I feel underneath my initial emotional reaction? In my situation, I knew why I was triggered. I had been in the ER vet with Ember many times, and some of those experiences were serious. My brain was reliving every single one of those frightening experiences. I was scared of losing her. However, much of the time we may not know what’s causing our triggers. If that’s the case, please consider seeking help. I’ll write more about that below.
3) Journal. Writing about an event can help create clarity and deepen our awareness. This process helps us figure out what’s happened and learn from it.
4) Own your feelings and actions. Just because you’re triggered doesn’t mean you get to behave badly or hurt others or yourself. This is really important! Part of healing triggering experiences is to be accountable for what we’ve done and take responsibility for the consequences. I apologized to my husband and the staff at the veterinarian hospital for my sharp words and behavior.
5) Give yourself credit when you make better choices. Once I calmed down, I was able to go back and assess that terrible afternoon and realize that even though this was a difficult experience, and I didn’t handle it perfectly, I did some things right. I removed myself from the situation. I apologized for my poor behavior, and I learned from it. I’ll count that as progress.
6) Don’t hesitate to seek help with your triggering experiences. Triggers are scary. But they have a purpose. They’re trying to tell us that something needs our attention. When we don’t address them, they can damage relationships, cause an untold amount of hurt, and can wreak havoc on our mental health. The good news is, triggers can heal. Even deeply held triggering events can be helped and healed.
As you do the difficult work of figuring out your triggers, please understand that this is a slow process. Give yourself credit for the progress you make. The journey to better mental health is taken one small advance at a time.
